Confession: Grocery Store Aisles are to Roads as...

Feel free to finish this analogy however your creative mind desires, but the point is simple driving principles go a long way in the grocery store when oodles of hungry people are scouring the aisles for any and all ways to satisfy their cravings. The following is a highlight of the most important principles that should always be honored while shopping. Enjoy.

Do you drive on the left side of the road? Unless it’s a one way street or you have a death wish, I’m going to hope the answer is no. Since grocery aisles allow traffic in both directions and chances are you’re not there to commit suicide, you shouldn’t consistently travel down the left side of the aisle either. Doing so increases the chances of shopping cart traffic jams by disrupting the flow of oncoming shoppers while enhancing the potential for aisle anger (the grocery store equivalent to road rage). And let me tell you, aisle anger is dangerous. Road rage usually just results in an extended appendage and a couple of horn honks, but the most serious aisle anger could easily result in cart ramming, egg chucking and fish slaps (in which an angry shopper retaliates by slapping you in the face with the broad side of a fresh whole fish). Below is a supermarket jam with a high potential for angry shoppers.

The second principle is simple: Avoid distractions. Texting while driving is illegal because it distracts you from the road. Kissing while shopping should be frowned upon because it distracts you from your grocery list.

Consider the two love birds pictured above. Not only are their carts now blocking the aisle for other shoppers, but they are uncovering memories of the love lives of all those around them. Some may become distracted from the overwhelming warmth and joy of such memories while others become utterly depressed and lose all motivation to buy food. Either way, love is bad for the grocery store ecosystem so buy your soup and keep it in your pants until you can get a room!

And finally, some words of wisdom to help you further respect all shoppers…

Horseback riding is for the great outdoors, not for reaching grocery items on the top shelf that you can’t otherwise get to.

Imagine the clean-up on aisle 5 should the stallion so choose to unload.

We’ve all seen people pull off the highway to relieve their bladders, but this…

...is just gross!

Following these basic grocery aisle principles will help all shoppers experience a smoother trip as they trek to fill their pantries and satisfy their stomachs!