I enjoy listening to people, for the most part, and would like to think I'm good at it. Unfortunately, I can't easily demonstrate my remarkable listening skills to you at this time, so you'll just have to take my word for it because you won't be able to prove otherwise unless you know me. If you do know me and want to prove otherwise, I think it's time we have a talk. I'll listen. I promise.
There are a few elements of people's speech that make it incredibly difficult for me to listen attentively. One of these elements is accents, but I'll let that one go because people should never be judge based on uncontrollable characteristics. If you have a deep accent, don't fret. I may have to say, "what?" or "huh?" a couple times, but I'll get the gist of what you're saying and gladly continue listening. Oh, and for the record, not everybody can have an accent. There has to be some type of accent control group to which all other accents are compared. I claim my place of origin to be that control group, thus I do not speak with any type of accent (in my mind anyway). If you want to use your place of origin as the accent control group, and tell yourself you don't have an accent then, by all means, go for it.
The controllable part of human speech that does impair my ability to listen with all ears is the overuse of filler words because, oh my god, like, so many people use, like, um, so many, like, all the time! Articulate your thoughts in a clear and flowing manner people! Consider the following conversation polluted with more filler words than ever necessary, and the random and irrelevant thoughts that ensue.
Boy: "Hey. How are you?"
Girl: "Oh, hi. Um, well, I'm like, you know..."
No, I don't know! If I knew I wouldn't have asked you in the first place. I suppose I can take a few guesses though since you're grossly overestimating my telekinetic powers...
Did you recently move into an upside down house, but can't figure out how the hell to accessorize the interior?
No? Then are you going to violently transform into a miniature frog forced to spend summer evenings crawling up and down the wall of my house if I don't kiss you before midnight?
I'm no prince, and I'm pretty sure that's not how the fairy tale goes, but I guess I could give it a shot...
Girl: "...I'm fine. Um, I've been busy like working and stuff."
Like working? What have you been doing that's like working? Is this guy pointing or like pointing?
It really looks like he's pointing, but, since nobody knows what the hell he's pointing at, is he like pointing? Are you really working, but, since you have no idea what you're doing at your job, you tell people you're like working? Are you still talking, or is it my turn to respond?
Boy: "Yeah, working sucks. Have you been enjoying your time outside of work, at least?"
Girl: "Um, yeah, like the other day my girlfriends and I went out and, like, oh my god, like it was super fun."
Boy: (mentally checking out, as if he hasn't already) "Nice. What did you all do?"
Girl: "Um, we do, like, lots of stuff, but, like, I have to go. We should, um, hang out soon and, like, catch up again, you know?"
Oh, dear...
I'd love to if I didn't just learn that you have the torturous tongue of a 16-year-old valley girl. Are my ears bleeding?
Boy: "Yeah, sure. I'll call you."
It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that no phone call is going to result from this conversation. Each meaningless and indiscriminate thought has taken his mind so far from reality, that he has no clue how he just ended his teeny-bopper talk. Does this state of oblivion give him the right to lie? No, but it happens, unfortunately.
Of course, this works the other way too. Guys, it's hard enough to keep girls interested without digging yourself into a deep, deep hole...
...because she can't stand to hear anymore likes and ums and stuff. Unless you have the sex appeal of a Greek god, or the magical force of a Jedi knight, you'd be doing yourself a great service if you speak coherently and thoughtfully in her presence. Always.
I'm from the West Coast, so I'll admit that I use a few more "likes" in my casual speech than I'd like. A few here and there don't bother me, but we should all work very hard to prevent filler words from becoming dominant words, and overtaking our dialects like flies overtaking the scrumptious food of our ending-too-soon-summer gatherings. We'd all be better off with fewer of each (and longer summers, too).
