Confession: There Really is Such a Thing as a Stupid Question

Questions are meant to feed one's curiosity, and the best questions educate both the questioning individual and any bystanders lucky enough to be in the proximity of such a potentially enlightening environment. With that in mind, it is paramount to remember that a great question takes great thinking and usually requires pre-question thought and formulation. A lot of knowledge can be gained through the use of questions, but the old cliche, "there's no such thing as a stupid question," doesn't always apply.

The first examples of stupid questions stem from one's own state of oblivion. These types of questions are quite prevalent in lecture halls filled with exhausted students who are busy texting with their fancy smart phones, listening to one of a million illegally downloaded songs in their iTunes library, or simply trying to recover from their induction into the All-Nighter fraternity by sleeping in a number uncomfortable ways. When people haven't been paying attention, they tend to ask two types of stupid questions: The first is the Repeater, in which the question is a carbon copy of a great question that has already been asked and answered. The second is the Billboard, named as such (and pictured below) because the answer to a billboard question is either immediately on display, or had been on display recently.

Extreme Billboard Question

Both of these questions waste the valuable time of everybody within earshot and make the person who asked one of them look incredibly dumb and really says, "I haven't heard a word you've said since I've been here, but I was wondering if I could stop the flow of your discussion and have you repeat a few things that everybody else has already heard." One of the best ways I've witnessed a professor respond to such a dim-witted question was to retort with a reminder, "Now remember, there's no such thing as a stupid question," (after everybody in the room had already snickered at the query) and simply point to the question's answer that had been vividly on display for about twenty minutes. What the professor really meant to say was, "Hey dumbass, glad you could join us. Thank-you for wasting my time, and by the way, here's the answer to your question. Please, go back to sleep now so I can finish teaching the rest of the class without unnecessary disturbances." The best way to avoid these questions is simple...pay attention! If you haven't been paying attention, then I strongly urge you to quietly ask those around you for any clarification before you decide to put your ignorance on public display. If you do ask one, however, you will be vulnerable (and rightfully so) to snappy answers as depicted below.

Stupid Questions: Subject to Snappy Answers

The second form of a stupid question spawns from one's need for attention, and is asked despite the fact that the person who asked already knows the answer. It's one thing to ask the question and have a eureka moment during the reply, but never ask a question with the answer in mind. Consider the following situation in which a student is asking a professor about whether or not a certain computer program, ProE, is available to install on personal computers.

Student: "Do you know where we can get a copy of ProE for our personal computers?"
Professor: "I'm not sure. It may be on sale in the book store or obtainable online."
Student: "Well, you can order it online..."

Seriously?!?! I have no idea why this question was asked since the student made it very clear that the answer was already known! Obviously, the student knew the program could be purchased online, which suggests that the only reason for the question must have been to draw the audience's attention with hopes that they believe that answering one's own question proves the existence of some genius mind. Sorry, dude. What it really says is, "Attention, I'm very conceited and, while I want you to think I have an important question, I'm really just wasting your time, for I shall reveal the answer to you because I'm smart like that." No, you're not smart, just another unfortunate citizen asking stupid questions. Avoiding such questions, however, is simple. Do not ask a question and state the answer yourself. If you want to make a statement then make a statement, otherwise hold your tongue because stupid questions can have serious consequences.

Tremendous Consequence

Hopefully, you are now better equipped with the knowhow to avoid asking stupid questions. Please remember, however, I haven't been trying to deter you from asking questions completely. Learning and asking questions typically go hand in hand, but it is always a good idea to think before you ask and formulate intellectual questions. Unlike stupid questions, an intellectual question can make you and people around you smarter.

P.S. If you are still unwilling to accept the existence of stupid questions, then this explanation is equally acceptable...

Confession: Backpacks on Wheels are Never a Good Deal

A book bag of some sort is a must for the typical student. Whether it's the classic backpack, a messenger bag, or an over-sized purse we all need a way to keep our notebooks, writing tools, homework assignments and other miscellaneous items close to us throughout the school day. At times, all of this stuff can become mighty heavy, so why not keep all of your academic materials close, safe and secure by stowing it in a nice, hefty backpack on wheels? Oh, I can think of a few reasons. Please, join me as I explain to you my reasons why backpacks on wheels are never a good deal.

For my visual followers out there, the backpacks I am referring to generally look like these:

Typical Culprits

You may argue that there's nothing wrong with the bags pictured, and I'd say you're right, but the looks of the actual bags are not of my concern. The appearance of the rolling backpack will generally remain constant (depending only on natural wear and tear) throughout its life. However, the problem is that your appearance will suffer major consequences! Even with the coolest looking wheeled backpack on the planet, you'd still be widely known as "that person with the rolly backpack."

Consider the following image of an actual rolling backpack still in use today:

Notice the Reinforcement

That is one rugged looking backpack! It appears very durable and has even been modified to include bigger wheels and a much more stable base. This thing could undoubtedly handle the most craggy of classroom floors. Sure, it's not equipped to handle any off road conditions (doing so would require additional wheel upgrades and an increase in ground clearance), but any other solid surface should be no problem. A lot of positive attributes of the bag can be noted through observation, but what about the person using it? Well, the person appears to be carrying a lot more stuff around with him/her than necessary. The person also appears to be a potentially large obstacle in crowded hallways since the giant reinforced bag takes up so much space. Hauling around backpacks on wheels just hinders the flow of foot traffic in the same way trucks and trailers corrupt the flow of vehicular traffic on highways. Both the truck and the person inevitably move slower with their respective trailers and increase the effects of road rage. I understand it's necessary to haul trailers on the road, but there's no need to haul a trailer when walking around a school. It just gets in the way of other students and creates unnecessary hallway rage. Therefore, while the rolling backpack may look durable and functional, it makes the person using it look like an unnecessary road block, which is an appearance nobody should try to emulate.

My second problem with rolling backpacks is that they are non-invertible. By this I mean that one may not continue to roll it if the bag tips over and somehow ends up upside down. This should also be a huge problem for people who use them (bless their souls) because the sight of rolly backpacks can often instill the urge in many to kick it over when in range. If this were to happen, the result would be similar to that of an inverted turtle. Once a turtle is upside down, it is instantly immobilized as viewed below.

Poor, inverted turtle.

Anybody using a backpack on wheels that happens to flip would find themselves in a similarly inconvenient state. Sure, the bag may not be completely useless, as you could drag the thing along upside, but doing so risks structural damage to the bag. Instead, the person must stop in their tracks, turn around and manually get their bag back on track. Time is hard enough to come by in the life of a student, so why risk losing precious seconds tending to a helpless pack that is most likely already denting your appearance?

My final rolling backpack grievance involves its potential to impart bodily harm to its user. When using a backpack on wheels, one generally pulls the thing behind them with their dominate arm, which creates axial stress along the length of the arm. Stress is directly proportional to the force being applied, which in this case is the weight of the bag, so the heavier the load, the more stress induced on the arm. Sure, the arm can handle occasional stresses, but it will begin to fatigue as stress is induced more consistently. If one were to tow a heavy backpack around with their dominate arm on a daily basis, they would run the risk of developing a deformation in which their dominate arm becomes noticeably longer than their opposite arm. For an example of an extreme case of this described deformation, please glance below.

Lucky the Long-Armed Leprechaun

Legend has it that Lucky developed his extreme arm deformation by towing home giant kegs of Guinness draft from his local Irish pub. Unable to cart his beer home with him, Lucky is now forced to drink from the frosty mugs at the bar rather than in the comfort of his own home. Imagine being stuck on a school campus, rather than getting work done from the comfort of your home because a condition developed after using a rolling backpack for too long made you incapable of transporting your school materials to and from home. I'm sure this can't possibly sound appealing and should convince you (if my first two reasons weren't enough) that backpacks on wheels are never a good deal.

Confession: Gym Rats are the Worst of the Rodents

Of all the rodents one can encounter in a lifetime, I believe gym rats are the worst by far. This is due largely to the fact that you cannot easily dispose of a gym rat as you can your typical pest. It is not very plausible to set traps or call an exterminator, and once they make their presence known, there's no ignoring them.

Nobody should ever strive to be a gym rat. So, in an effort to save all of you from the humiliation that typically comes with the gym rat stereotype, I've compiled a list of traits that you should avoid at all costs. No need to worry if you find any of the following may be a reflection of you gym habits because I've offered suggestions on how to easily change and become a much more considerate gym member.

1. If you smell like a wretched combination of rotten eggs and pencil shavings, you might be a gym rat.

Personal hygiene is important no matter where you are so I'm not sure why people think the gym is an exception. I understand it is a safe haven to push your limits and sweat it out, so I don't expect anybody to smell like roses, but make an effort to mask you stink. Always apply a liberal amount of deodorant and do not wear the same sweaty, toxic clothes that you've been storing in your gym bag all week. It's just gross. Also, this should go without saying, but brush your teeth! Nothing is worse than helping out a stranger at the gym by giving them a spot just to be thanked with plumes of dog breath to the face every time they exhale.

2. If your grunting drowns out the sound of any background music or conversations, you might be a gym rat.

Exhaling is a must, especially during heavy lifting, and I get this. However, there's a fine line between necessary exhaling and obnoxious, "Look at me, I can lift big weights, yea!" grunting. If a little sound comes out, that's fine, but it usually doesn't need to be more than a whisper and never more than that inside voice we all learned to utilize as children. Grunting loud enough to cause seismic shifts in the earth's core does nothing to impress the rest of us at the gym. It does help us all point out the biggest douche though.

 
3. If you behave like a dog and mark your territory by leaving behind moisture deposits, you might be a gym rat.

If I wanted to swim, I would've gone to the pool! The last thing I want to do is mop up your salty body juices every time I change benches or machines. Bring a towel all of the time and, at the very least, wipe down the equipment after you use it. Want some bonus points? Use antibacterial cleaner or wipes that most clubs are equipping their gyms with now, as I really have no interest in your germs either.

4. If re-racking your weights is not part of your routine, you might be a gym rat.

Congrats man, you can bench 700 pounds! Sadly, I can't and should not have to spend ample time and effort taking the weights you used off. I am not your mother and chances are you are not five years old. Pick up after yourself at the gym. If you have the time and strength to load up the weight and complete your sets, then you damn sure better have the time to put the weight back. 

Those are the four biggest gym no-no's I can think of at this time. They seem to be most prevalent within college gyms. The few public gyms I've been to don't suffer from the gym rat infestation as severely. Why college kids seem to be less considerate, I have no idea, but it sure doesn't say much for my generation. Nevertheless, we can all strive to be more considerate and do our part to make the gym experience for others more enjoyable.

Agree? Disagree? I want to hear it! Comment your thoughts and opinions.
Did I miss something? Add to my list of gym rat traits.  

Confession: I've Acquired too much All-Nighter Experience

For my first post, I thought I would go easy on the raw confessions and call upon my experience to offer a brief guide on how to successfully execute an all-nighter. I will start by discussing the second definition of "all-nighter" as described by dictionary.com.

all-night·er[awl-nahy-ter]

–noun Informal .

2 an act of staying up all night, as to study or finish a task

This definition seems simple enough, but there's a few hidden requirements that must be considered before an all-nighter certification can be awarded. First, it must be pointed out that any attempt to receive all-nighter certification is invalid if the subject in question has slept through the majority of the day. Doing so negates much of the effects of an all-nighter because energy tanks would be much more full than if starting an all-nighter after a long day on low energy reserves. The second requirement that must be met in order to be worthy of certification is that you must see the sunrise. No all-nighter certification will be considered if the candidate has not been awake for both the sunset and the sunrise in the same cycle. This should be obvious because, if you fall asleep before the sunrises, then technically it's still nighttime, so you'd have to settle with the shameful, "I almost pulled an all-nighter." The requirements are taken very seriously and failure to meet either of the two will directly result in automatic certification request termination. No exceptions!   

Fortunately, this brief step-by-step guide should help even the most inexperienced fellows successfully tackle their first, or hundredth epic all night study/homework session.  

Step 1: Procrastination 
I believe it is reasonable for me to assume that if you are not a chronic procrastinator then you haven't had a reason to stay up all night long to finish work that is due the following day. While this may prove to be a much less stressful habit, it is really you're biggest road block to joining the elite club that is the All-Nighters! The key to initiating any all-nighter is really focusing on your procrastination before hand. You need to have enough work ahead of you to keep you occupied for all hours of the night. Balance is key, however. Never procrastinate so much that you can't finish all necessary work. 


Step 2: Crew Notification
Once you've realized that your procrastination has put you in the perfect position to go for an all-nighter, call up any friends (your crew) who may be in a similar situation and organize a study party. If you think these friends are needed just to help you with your work load, you're partially wrong. It is much easier to work in groups and bounce ideas around to make more progress, but having friends around also increases your vulnerability to distractions, thus elongating the amount of time you and your crew will be working. Play your cards right and you and your crew are well on your way to cruising straight through the night to that first sign of daylight. 


Step 3: Fuel Specifications
Like any motor, your body and mind will need fuel to make it through an entire night of studying. It may be wise to set a goal. For instance if you start working at 8:00 and the nearest Golden Spoon closes at 10:30 collaborate with your crew and decide that it would be best to get as much work done between 8:00 and say 10:00. Why 10:00 you ask if Golden Spoon doesn't close until 10:30 and procrastination has been a prevalent theme throughout this guide? Simple. You need to leave early enough to comfortably make it to the frozen yogurt haven with ample time to sample a couple flavors and make wise yogurt choices because this is going to be one of the sweetest moments of the entire night. Also, this nice sugar spike should keep you going for a couple more hours as you continue on your night long journey. Inevitably, you will start to feel a crash shortly after the clock strikes midnight. This is normal and can usually be combated with a trusty sidekick like caffeine. Any form of caffeine will do you just fine. Coffee and tea are the most natural choices and definitely pose the least amount of health risks. For those of you who regularly drink coffee and tea, it may be necessary to up the ante and consider an ice cold energy drink. With many different varieties, it may take a while to find your go to can of this magical brain enhancement, but feel free to experiment until you find the one that's right for you. This dose of caffeine should pick you up for a while and help get you back on track. If you start to feel another crash coming on with a few hours of darkness left, it may be time to eat something solid. It doesn't have to be a big meal, but round up your crew and migrate to the nearest 24-hour food retailer and enjoy a quick snack. After the snack the finish line will be in sight and you should feel a little jolt of energy. This jolt should be all you need to reboot your system and continue on your way as you near the light at the end of the tunnel.  


Overwhelming success of the preceding three-step process has been documented through extensive scientific evidence (ok,  personal experience) and greatly increases anybody's chance of making it through an all night study session. I encourage all of you to reference this guide and challenge yourself and your friends to work from dusk til dawn and enjoy the satisfaction of knowing that doing so is your ticket to the elite group of bad asses that are the All-Nighters. 


P.S. If you are reading this during an all-nighter attempt, I commend you! Dig deep and keep going! You'll see the light soon enough! And when you do, let me be the first to say congratulations!