Confession: Backpacks on Wheels are Never a Good Deal

A book bag of some sort is a must for the typical student. Whether it's the classic backpack, a messenger bag, or an over-sized purse we all need a way to keep our notebooks, writing tools, homework assignments and other miscellaneous items close to us throughout the school day. At times, all of this stuff can become mighty heavy, so why not keep all of your academic materials close, safe and secure by stowing it in a nice, hefty backpack on wheels? Oh, I can think of a few reasons. Please, join me as I explain to you my reasons why backpacks on wheels are never a good deal.

For my visual followers out there, the backpacks I am referring to generally look like these:

Typical Culprits

You may argue that there's nothing wrong with the bags pictured, and I'd say you're right, but the looks of the actual bags are not of my concern. The appearance of the rolling backpack will generally remain constant (depending only on natural wear and tear) throughout its life. However, the problem is that your appearance will suffer major consequences! Even with the coolest looking wheeled backpack on the planet, you'd still be widely known as "that person with the rolly backpack."

Consider the following image of an actual rolling backpack still in use today:

Notice the Reinforcement

That is one rugged looking backpack! It appears very durable and has even been modified to include bigger wheels and a much more stable base. This thing could undoubtedly handle the most craggy of classroom floors. Sure, it's not equipped to handle any off road conditions (doing so would require additional wheel upgrades and an increase in ground clearance), but any other solid surface should be no problem. A lot of positive attributes of the bag can be noted through observation, but what about the person using it? Well, the person appears to be carrying a lot more stuff around with him/her than necessary. The person also appears to be a potentially large obstacle in crowded hallways since the giant reinforced bag takes up so much space. Hauling around backpacks on wheels just hinders the flow of foot traffic in the same way trucks and trailers corrupt the flow of vehicular traffic on highways. Both the truck and the person inevitably move slower with their respective trailers and increase the effects of road rage. I understand it's necessary to haul trailers on the road, but there's no need to haul a trailer when walking around a school. It just gets in the way of other students and creates unnecessary hallway rage. Therefore, while the rolling backpack may look durable and functional, it makes the person using it look like an unnecessary road block, which is an appearance nobody should try to emulate.

My second problem with rolling backpacks is that they are non-invertible. By this I mean that one may not continue to roll it if the bag tips over and somehow ends up upside down. This should also be a huge problem for people who use them (bless their souls) because the sight of rolly backpacks can often instill the urge in many to kick it over when in range. If this were to happen, the result would be similar to that of an inverted turtle. Once a turtle is upside down, it is instantly immobilized as viewed below.

Poor, inverted turtle.

Anybody using a backpack on wheels that happens to flip would find themselves in a similarly inconvenient state. Sure, the bag may not be completely useless, as you could drag the thing along upside, but doing so risks structural damage to the bag. Instead, the person must stop in their tracks, turn around and manually get their bag back on track. Time is hard enough to come by in the life of a student, so why risk losing precious seconds tending to a helpless pack that is most likely already denting your appearance?

My final rolling backpack grievance involves its potential to impart bodily harm to its user. When using a backpack on wheels, one generally pulls the thing behind them with their dominate arm, which creates axial stress along the length of the arm. Stress is directly proportional to the force being applied, which in this case is the weight of the bag, so the heavier the load, the more stress induced on the arm. Sure, the arm can handle occasional stresses, but it will begin to fatigue as stress is induced more consistently. If one were to tow a heavy backpack around with their dominate arm on a daily basis, they would run the risk of developing a deformation in which their dominate arm becomes noticeably longer than their opposite arm. For an example of an extreme case of this described deformation, please glance below.

Lucky the Long-Armed Leprechaun

Legend has it that Lucky developed his extreme arm deformation by towing home giant kegs of Guinness draft from his local Irish pub. Unable to cart his beer home with him, Lucky is now forced to drink from the frosty mugs at the bar rather than in the comfort of his own home. Imagine being stuck on a school campus, rather than getting work done from the comfort of your home because a condition developed after using a rolling backpack for too long made you incapable of transporting your school materials to and from home. I'm sure this can't possibly sound appealing and should convince you (if my first two reasons weren't enough) that backpacks on wheels are never a good deal.