Confession: I've Acquired too much All-Nighter Experience

For my first post, I thought I would go easy on the raw confessions and call upon my experience to offer a brief guide on how to successfully execute an all-nighter. I will start by discussing the second definition of "all-nighter" as described by dictionary.com.

all-night·er[awl-nahy-ter]

–noun Informal .

2 an act of staying up all night, as to study or finish a task

This definition seems simple enough, but there's a few hidden requirements that must be considered before an all-nighter certification can be awarded. First, it must be pointed out that any attempt to receive all-nighter certification is invalid if the subject in question has slept through the majority of the day. Doing so negates much of the effects of an all-nighter because energy tanks would be much more full than if starting an all-nighter after a long day on low energy reserves. The second requirement that must be met in order to be worthy of certification is that you must see the sunrise. No all-nighter certification will be considered if the candidate has not been awake for both the sunset and the sunrise in the same cycle. This should be obvious because, if you fall asleep before the sunrises, then technically it's still nighttime, so you'd have to settle with the shameful, "I almost pulled an all-nighter." The requirements are taken very seriously and failure to meet either of the two will directly result in automatic certification request termination. No exceptions!   

Fortunately, this brief step-by-step guide should help even the most inexperienced fellows successfully tackle their first, or hundredth epic all night study/homework session.  

Step 1: Procrastination 
I believe it is reasonable for me to assume that if you are not a chronic procrastinator then you haven't had a reason to stay up all night long to finish work that is due the following day. While this may prove to be a much less stressful habit, it is really you're biggest road block to joining the elite club that is the All-Nighters! The key to initiating any all-nighter is really focusing on your procrastination before hand. You need to have enough work ahead of you to keep you occupied for all hours of the night. Balance is key, however. Never procrastinate so much that you can't finish all necessary work. 


Step 2: Crew Notification
Once you've realized that your procrastination has put you in the perfect position to go for an all-nighter, call up any friends (your crew) who may be in a similar situation and organize a study party. If you think these friends are needed just to help you with your work load, you're partially wrong. It is much easier to work in groups and bounce ideas around to make more progress, but having friends around also increases your vulnerability to distractions, thus elongating the amount of time you and your crew will be working. Play your cards right and you and your crew are well on your way to cruising straight through the night to that first sign of daylight. 


Step 3: Fuel Specifications
Like any motor, your body and mind will need fuel to make it through an entire night of studying. It may be wise to set a goal. For instance if you start working at 8:00 and the nearest Golden Spoon closes at 10:30 collaborate with your crew and decide that it would be best to get as much work done between 8:00 and say 10:00. Why 10:00 you ask if Golden Spoon doesn't close until 10:30 and procrastination has been a prevalent theme throughout this guide? Simple. You need to leave early enough to comfortably make it to the frozen yogurt haven with ample time to sample a couple flavors and make wise yogurt choices because this is going to be one of the sweetest moments of the entire night. Also, this nice sugar spike should keep you going for a couple more hours as you continue on your night long journey. Inevitably, you will start to feel a crash shortly after the clock strikes midnight. This is normal and can usually be combated with a trusty sidekick like caffeine. Any form of caffeine will do you just fine. Coffee and tea are the most natural choices and definitely pose the least amount of health risks. For those of you who regularly drink coffee and tea, it may be necessary to up the ante and consider an ice cold energy drink. With many different varieties, it may take a while to find your go to can of this magical brain enhancement, but feel free to experiment until you find the one that's right for you. This dose of caffeine should pick you up for a while and help get you back on track. If you start to feel another crash coming on with a few hours of darkness left, it may be time to eat something solid. It doesn't have to be a big meal, but round up your crew and migrate to the nearest 24-hour food retailer and enjoy a quick snack. After the snack the finish line will be in sight and you should feel a little jolt of energy. This jolt should be all you need to reboot your system and continue on your way as you near the light at the end of the tunnel.  


Overwhelming success of the preceding three-step process has been documented through extensive scientific evidence (ok,  personal experience) and greatly increases anybody's chance of making it through an all night study session. I encourage all of you to reference this guide and challenge yourself and your friends to work from dusk til dawn and enjoy the satisfaction of knowing that doing so is your ticket to the elite group of bad asses that are the All-Nighters. 


P.S. If you are reading this during an all-nighter attempt, I commend you! Dig deep and keep going! You'll see the light soon enough! And when you do, let me be the first to say congratulations!