Confession: There Really is Such a Thing as a Stupid Question

Questions are meant to feed one's curiosity, and the best questions educate both the questioning individual and any bystanders lucky enough to be in the proximity of such a potentially enlightening environment. With that in mind, it is paramount to remember that a great question takes great thinking and usually requires pre-question thought and formulation. A lot of knowledge can be gained through the use of questions, but the old cliche, "there's no such thing as a stupid question," doesn't always apply.

The first examples of stupid questions stem from one's own state of oblivion. These types of questions are quite prevalent in lecture halls filled with exhausted students who are busy texting with their fancy smart phones, listening to one of a million illegally downloaded songs in their iTunes library, or simply trying to recover from their induction into the All-Nighter fraternity by sleeping in a number uncomfortable ways. When people haven't been paying attention, they tend to ask two types of stupid questions: The first is the Repeater, in which the question is a carbon copy of a great question that has already been asked and answered. The second is the Billboard, named as such (and pictured below) because the answer to a billboard question is either immediately on display, or had been on display recently.

Extreme Billboard Question

Both of these questions waste the valuable time of everybody within earshot and make the person who asked one of them look incredibly dumb and really says, "I haven't heard a word you've said since I've been here, but I was wondering if I could stop the flow of your discussion and have you repeat a few things that everybody else has already heard." One of the best ways I've witnessed a professor respond to such a dim-witted question was to retort with a reminder, "Now remember, there's no such thing as a stupid question," (after everybody in the room had already snickered at the query) and simply point to the question's answer that had been vividly on display for about twenty minutes. What the professor really meant to say was, "Hey dumbass, glad you could join us. Thank-you for wasting my time, and by the way, here's the answer to your question. Please, go back to sleep now so I can finish teaching the rest of the class without unnecessary disturbances." The best way to avoid these questions is simple...pay attention! If you haven't been paying attention, then I strongly urge you to quietly ask those around you for any clarification before you decide to put your ignorance on public display. If you do ask one, however, you will be vulnerable (and rightfully so) to snappy answers as depicted below.

Stupid Questions: Subject to Snappy Answers

The second form of a stupid question spawns from one's need for attention, and is asked despite the fact that the person who asked already knows the answer. It's one thing to ask the question and have a eureka moment during the reply, but never ask a question with the answer in mind. Consider the following situation in which a student is asking a professor about whether or not a certain computer program, ProE, is available to install on personal computers.

Student: "Do you know where we can get a copy of ProE for our personal computers?"
Professor: "I'm not sure. It may be on sale in the book store or obtainable online."
Student: "Well, you can order it online..."

Seriously?!?! I have no idea why this question was asked since the student made it very clear that the answer was already known! Obviously, the student knew the program could be purchased online, which suggests that the only reason for the question must have been to draw the audience's attention with hopes that they believe that answering one's own question proves the existence of some genius mind. Sorry, dude. What it really says is, "Attention, I'm very conceited and, while I want you to think I have an important question, I'm really just wasting your time, for I shall reveal the answer to you because I'm smart like that." No, you're not smart, just another unfortunate citizen asking stupid questions. Avoiding such questions, however, is simple. Do not ask a question and state the answer yourself. If you want to make a statement then make a statement, otherwise hold your tongue because stupid questions can have serious consequences.

Tremendous Consequence

Hopefully, you are now better equipped with the knowhow to avoid asking stupid questions. Please remember, however, I haven't been trying to deter you from asking questions completely. Learning and asking questions typically go hand in hand, but it is always a good idea to think before you ask and formulate intellectual questions. Unlike stupid questions, an intellectual question can make you and people around you smarter.

P.S. If you are still unwilling to accept the existence of stupid questions, then this explanation is equally acceptable...